Ode to Plurals
We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes, But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find one mouse or a nest full of mice, Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called men, Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet, And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
Then one may be that, and three would be those, Yet hat in the plural would never be hose, And the plural of cat is cats and not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren, But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him, But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!
Let's face it - English is a crazy language.There is no egg in Eggplant nor ham in hamburger; Neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented In England. We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes, We find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a Guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that Writers write but fingers don't fing, Grocers don't groce and hammers don't Ham? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
In what other language do People recite at a play and play at a recital? We ship by truck but send cargo by ship. We have noses that run and Feet that smell. We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway. And how can a Slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
You have to marvel at the uniqueness of a language in which a house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling It out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on.
And, in closing, if Father is Pop, how come Mother's not Mop?
Makes you wonder how we all learned the English language.
New Math :)
What equals 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been in situations where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 101%? What equals 100% in life? Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these Questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then: H-A-R-D-W-O-R- K 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
and K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But, A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
AND, look how far the love of God will take you
L- O- V- E-O-F-G-O-D 12+15+22+5+15+6+7+15+4 = 101%
Therefore, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that: While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Love of God that will put you over the top!
You are blessed!
Mothers who "Drugged" Us
(A GOOD READ)
The other day, someone at the store in our town read that a methamphetamine lab had been found in an old farmhouse in the adjoining county. He turned to his old Southern gentleman friend, and asked him a question:
''Why didn't we have a drug problem when you and I were growing up?''
The old friend replied: "I had a drug problem when I was young:
"I was drug to church on Sunday morning. I was drug to church for weddings and funerals.
"I was drug to family reunions and community socials no matter the weather.
"I was drug by my ears when I was disrespectful to adults.
"I was also drug to the woodshed when I disobeyed my parents, told a lie, brought home a bad report card, did not speak with respect, spoke ill of the teacher or the preacher, or if I didn't put forth my best effort in everything that was asked of me.
"I was drug to the kitchen sink to have my mouth washed out with soap if I uttered a profane four-letter word.
"I was drug out to pull weeds in Momma's garden and flower beds and cockleburs out of Daddy's fields.
"I was drug to the homes of family, friends, and neighbors to help out some poor soul who had no one to mow the yard, repair the clothesline, or chop some firewood; and, if my mother had ever known that I took a single dime as a tip for this kindness, she would have drug me back to the woodshed.
"Those drugs are still in my veins; and they affect my behavior in everything I do, say, and think. "They are stronger than cocaine, crack, or heroin... and, if today's children had this kind of drug problem, the world would be a better place."
Try this!
It is not as easy as it looks.
Interesting Picture
 Find the Baby!
Q: How does a homeschooler change a light bulb?
A: First, mom checks three books on electricity out of the library, then the kids make models of light bulbs, read a biography of Thomas Edison and do a skit based on his life. Next, everyone studies the history of lighting methods, wrapping up with dipping their own candles. Next, everyone takes a trip to the store where they compare types of light bulbs as well as prices and figure out how much change they'll get if they buy two bulbs for $1.99 and pay with a five dollar bill. On the way home, a discussion develops over the history of money and also Abraham Lincoln, as his picture is on the five dollar bill. Finally, after building a homemade ladder out of branches dragged from the woods, the light bulb is installed. And there is light. ~Author Unknown
Homeschooling Boys
The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas...
Things I've learned from my boys (honest and not kidding):
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A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
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If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
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A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
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If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to
spread paint on all four walls of a 20 x 20 ft. room.
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You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
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The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
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When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.
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Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
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A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
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Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.
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Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
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Super glue is forever.
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No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
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Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
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VCR's do not eject "PB &J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
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Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
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Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
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You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
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Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
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The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
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The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
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It will, however, make cats dizzy.
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Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
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80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
Those who pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without boys do it because:
a) For those with no children - this is totally hysterical!
b) For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.
c) For those who have children this age, this is not funny.
d) For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.
e) For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control
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